My Daddy dom and I have been exploring our dynamic lately. We’ve been together for almost a year, and there’s a sense of wanting to try new things, as well as of wanting to see where we want to take this. Part of this is trying more intense D/s things that we weren’t ready for before, like consensual non-consent scenes, having a list of rules, and choking me out. Recently, my Daddy said something about choking me that surprised me: he told me that he trusts me enough to do it. I had to stop and think about that idea for a minute, cause I’d never really heard it put quite that way before. I feel like the common discourse in the kink world is all about the bottom trusting the top. And sure, you have to trust someone at least a bit to let them restrain you or hurt you, or anything like that. But it does go both ways.
This probably shouldn’t have struck me as much as it did, because I have been on both sides of this coin. It’s a heady rush of power and adrenaline to be allowed to choke or hit someone, to know that they trust you not to actually damage them. But it also requires that you trust your sub: that you know they’ll speak up or safeword when they need to, that they really want this and are actually enjoying it, that they won’t hate you or judge you because you like hurting them. Nobody goes into kink with nothing to lose.
Kink isn’t only a giant elaborate trust exercise, but for me, that’s certainly part of it. It’s like a game of faith, of stretching the boundaries in how far you can depend on someone. How hard can we push this? How far can we take it? Do you trust me to catch you? How much power can we exchange between us? Can we bend this without breaking it?
Can I trust you with what I really want? There’s an intensity and an intimacy in breaking the ordinary rules for behavior. There’s a defiance to asking for something that would usually be understood as bad, unpleasant, painful, or humiliating. There’s such vulnerability there, both in admitting you want to be the victim of something “bad” and in admitting you want to be the perpetrator.
There’s a reason that I, as well as many other kinksters, don’t feel comfortable getting into anything D/s with someone we haven’t established a rapport or connection with. Even admitting the things I want feels like being naked, to say nothing of the practical trust needed to actually work our way through a scene together. But when you do find that trust, that connection, that mutual willingness to push the limits of acceptable behavior into the deepest darkest secrets of what you actually want? It’s a kind of terrifyingly beautiful magic. It’s a sort of miracle to be able to say (and to be able to show through kink) that I trust my Daddy, with my whole heart.