4 Household Objects That Can Improve Your Sex Life

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I’m a big fan of fancy sex toys, but there’s also a bunch of ordinary things that help make my sex life better. While inserting produce or other non-sex-toy objects into your orifices is probably not the safest thing, there are a bunch of things around the house that can be helpful and/or fun while you’re having sexytimes. Here are five of my favorite things you can pick up at your local department store that have sexy applications:

  1. Hand Towels. Need to wipe off your hands so you can look at porn on your phone without getting the screen sticky? Want to set down a butt toy without worrying about getting mess all over your pretty bedspread? Accidentally sat on the lube bottle and need to sop up the giant puddle of lube before you manage to put your foot in it and end up with cold lubey feet? (Definitely not speaking from experience on that last one.) Hand towels are great. I always keep one on hand while I’m masturbating just in case. Preferably, it’ll be kinda large, soft, and in a pretty color. I certainly don’t miss wiping my fingers off on whatever’s closest and getting sticky lube spots on my shirts or sheets.
  2. Socks. Cold feet are no fun. They’re uncomfortable and distracting, and the last thing I need while I’m trying to have a freaking orgasm is any kind of physical discomfort. Yes, you can just crawl under a blanket, and I am totally a fan of getting off while hiding under my cozy warm comforter. If you want to do something more adventurous than lying on your back, socks will keep your extremities warm outside of your blanket cave. Great for if you want to ride a dildo, kneel on the floor to give a blowjob, do a striptease, or just want to take a quick trip to the bathroom without freezing out all of your arousal. Also, socks come in fun patterns and colors, including things like black thigh highs with bows on. Sexy and warm!
  3. Silicone Cooking Utensils. Okay, so this one is more kink-specific. Now we’re talking about pervertables, which are mundane items that can be used as sex toys. In this case, for impact play. Silicone is body safe and can be sanitized, which makes silicone cooking implements a bit safer than some other pervertables. They come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and colors, so you can try out different sensations without dropping a ton of money. You can also use books, hairbrushes, and wooden spoons as impromptu impact play implements. I’m a fan of how my bright green silicone spatula delivers a hard thuddy hit at the center where it’s solid, and then sting around the flexible edges.
  4. Pillows. Many of my formative sexual experiences involved humping pillows, so I might be just a teeny bit nostalgic. If you’ve never tried getting off by humping something, try grabbing a pillow and giving it a go. It might not work for you, and that’s totally okay, all bodies are different, but it could be fun to try. I suggest something relatively firm for grinding against, and those long body pillows are way more comfortable to lay on top of than normal short ones. If pillow humping turns out to not be your thing, you can also use a pillow to shield your body from the cold wall next to your bed, or to protect your knees while you’re kneeling, or prop yourself up against a wall to get a better angle for penetration.

What everyday objects do you use to improve your sex life?

L’amourose Prism V Review

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One of my sex toy goals going into 2017 was to try more vibrators, especially G-spot vibrators. So naturally, I jumped at the chance to review the L’amourose Prism V, a luxury silicone G-spot vibe that’s received enthusiastic feedback.

L’amourose has been lauded for its rumbly motors, so I had high expectations for the Prism V. Rumbly vibrations are so, so important to me. Honestly, I think the Magic Wand Rechargeable and Doxy Don have entirely spoiled my clit and skewed my perspective. The Prism V, while not as hardcore as either of those powerhouse vibes, is moderately rumbly and quite powerful. For a rechargeable vibe that’s smaller than a power tool, it really does hold its own.

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I’m not in love with the Prism V internally. Several other reviewers noted that they preferred the Prisms clitorally, and I was so sure that I would be the exception. I’m a big fan of vibrations on my G-spot and I thought the Prism V would be just the ticket. It turns out, I have mixed feelings. You could hardly accuse the Prism V of being weak or buzzy, which is a huge point in the pro column. I do love the sheer power and nice rumbliness on my G-spot, but the shape is not perfect for my body. I think I need a slightly more dramatic curve in a G-spot toy, so it can really push into my body.. That’s why I love the Tantus Echo with its sharp ridges, and c-shaped dildos like the Pure Wand. In the Prism V, the curve angles up too much. If they made it so the curve of the neck was the same, but the head was more bulbous and stuck out farther instead of slimming down and tapering into a point, I’d be much happier with it. As it is, the Prism V has more of a gentle s-curve, so  it’s much trickier to get any firm pressure on my G-spot. I really need that firm pressure. Without it, it kinda feels like the Prism V is vibrating on the outside of my G-spot, instead of directly into it. Vibrations inside of my vagina don’t do much for me unless they’re targeting my erogenous zones, no matter how powerful or rumbly they are. They need to make contact. If your G-spot is more sensitive than mine or likes indirect stimulation, you’ll probably be happier with the Prism V as an internal vibe.

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Clitorally, it’s big enough to give me the broad stim I like on all but my most sensitive days. I tend to turn it on its side to give myself more surface area to work with. I’m less picky with my clit vibes, because shape isn’t nearly as important here. Is it large? Will it give me indirect stimulation? Then the shape is just fine by me. Here is where the motor becomes vitally important. Clitorally, the motor in the Prism V really gets its chance to shine, cause when it does make direct contact, the quality of the vibrations blow me away.

The Prism V is a great luxury vibe. It’s powerful, moderately rumbly, and pretty. Yes, I am very swayed by aesthetically pleasing sex toys. It’s also small enough to be easily portable and maneuverable, which is a big plus. Also, it’s only $99 at many stores, and that’s an excellent price for a top of the line insertable vibe. As a G-spot vibe, it might work for folks who like internal vibrations generally, or indirect G-spot stimulation, but it’s not going to cut it for direct, intense G-spot stim. However, I wholeheartedly recommend the Prism V for clit use and for taking #aesthetic sex toy photos. If what you need is clit stim that is neither pinpoint nor broad, with a solid motor and a handle to boot, in a moderate price range, the Prism V is the toy for you.

You can buy the Prism V at SheVibe, Peepshow Toys, or Betty’s Toy Box!

The Prism V was sent to me by L’amourose free of charge in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. Thank you, L’amourose!

The Mystery of the Asexual Sex Blogger

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The Asexuality Flag

So it might seem weird to you that a person who loves sex toys and often tweets about #peggingadventures with their partner would identify as asexual. I’m using a specific definition of asexuality here, which does not preclude my having a libido or enjoying sexual activity. Maybe asexual isn’t the right word for what I am. There’s a lot of confusion about what exactly the word means, and who it’s for, and I’ve struggled to figure out whether it applies to me. But it’s the best word I have. And yes, I need a word for it. I need a word for it so badly.

A couple of quick definitions: an asexual person is someone who does not experience sexual attraction towards others. Sexual attraction is not the same thing as libido. Libido is the desire to have sex, whether by oneself or with one or more persons. Sexual attraction is the feeling of wanting to have sex with a particular person, due to certain characteristics of that person, physical or otherwise. Asexuality is a spectrum. It contains an array of individuals and sexualities, which vary across the spectrum. Gray-asexual is a term used by people who only experience sexual attraction very rarely, or in very specific, unusual circumstances. Demisexual is a term for people who only experience sexual attraction towards people with whom they have a strong emotional connection; they do not experience sexual attraction towards strangers or acquaintances. An asexual person might be sex-repulsed, or enjoy the physical sensations having sex with their partner, or they might feel about sex the way I do about attending baseball games: it was nice and fun that one time they did it but they’re not particularly motivated to do it again.

I am a person who has sex, both by myself and with others. And yet, sexual attraction is something that I’ve struggled with my whole life. Here’s a little example for you. Sometimes I will see a particularly beautiful person. The person is usually a femme, but not always. I will give a little gasp in sheer awe of their fabulous aesthetic. I take a moment to appreciate how gorgeous they are. If I am with a friend, I might point out the pretty person. I keep walking. My brain stops there. It doesn’t point out how sexy they are, or get aroused, or go “unffff.” It does not matter whether or not I feel compelled to compliment them on their excellent taste in boots, or hair, or body modifications. They’re not sexy to me.

How on earth am I supposed to tell who the sexy people are? I can tell the difference between Literal Hugh Jackman and an average Joe, of course- symmetry of face, how clear and even their skin is, amount of muscle, etc. There’s a checklist. And I know when someone’s hair is a great shade of purple, or their clothes are flattering to their body shape. But what makes one average looking person so much sexier than another? A friend will point out how sexy someone is, and if they are not doing an actual striptease, I struggle to see what makes them different from any of the other individuals we’re surrounded by. For me, sexy people are the ones in sexual situations. Show me a person sitting at a bus stop and I might admire their shoes, but they’re not going to cause me to think about sex. Show me a person in porn who is doing a sex act that I particularly like (say spanking or power exchange or taking big toys) and I will go “damn, that’s hot.” That will turn me on. People don’t.

A few years ago, I had an important conversation with a friend for whom partnered sex is very important. At the time, I was in a romantic monogamous relationship in which we were not having sex of any kind due to legitimate reasons that I won’t discuss here. This close friend told me she couldn’t fathom dating someone with whom she didn’t have a fulfilling sex life. I couldn’t relate to that. I found my relationship with this partner to be tremendously fulfilling romantically, and I saw no reason to end it.  I also told my friend that I would be willing to have sex with that romantic partner if it weren’t for the aforementioned legitimate reasons. And my close friend was flabbergasted because she couldn’t imagine having sex with someone being such a take it or leave it situation- either she’s passionately attracted to them or she won’t touch them with a ten foot pole.

More recently, I was having a conversation with this same close friend about being asexual. I told them how I do this thing where whenever I’m making a new friend, I consider dating them. I can’t seem to prevent my mind from doing a “but what if we kissed? held hands? fell in love?” train of thought, even when the person in question has done nothing to provoke it. It’s a little “maybe what if” that I might then choose to do absolutely nothing about, but I do consider it. I thought this was odd, because I’m pretty sure most people don’t appraise all the acquaintances they get along with as potential sexual and/or romantic partners. My friend thought this made total sense, and told me that she does this with people that she is attracted to and hits it off with. She felt that if aesthetics and sexual attraction played little to no role for her, she would also do this with all the cool people she met.

In this way, it sometimes seems that being on the asexual spectrum has increased my sexual partners. When a person is kind to me, respectful, makes me feel comfortable, and I think will be fun to play with, they bring themselves into the “might sleep with” category. This includes nonromantic friends, and I’ve always liked having casual sex with my friends. There are several friends of mine who, were they down and neither of us in monogamous romantic relationships, I would happily have sex with. Because I trust them, and I like sex, and I think it’s fun to explore new things with my friends. Why should I wait for some kind of burning hot connection to have that kind of fun? Something I’ve struggled with a lot is what is the difference between “I want to have sex” and “I want to have sex with you, specifically”? Where is the line? What even is attraction? Some days I just don’t know.

For a long time I didn’t consider that the term “asexual” could apply to me. I have a sex drive, I masturbate, I sometimes have partnered sex. That didn’t feel very non-sexual to me. And I broke down crying somewhere around the age of 13 because I couldn’t fathom what attraction felt like. Because I was pretty sure I had a crush on this girl, but it didn’t feel the way I was told it was supposed to. Because I wanted to spend time with her and talk to her and hold her hand and she did nothing to my genitals. I wanted to be around her all the time and I wanted to be important to her and I was pretty sure that’s what a crush was but I didn’t feel any magical sparks. And I hadn’t felt those magical sparks toward anyone, of any gender, because while I was open to the idea of sex involving another human being, I couldn’t imagine another human being as inherently arousing. It crushed me, because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I just felt so wrong.

I know I don’t fit a lot of people’s conception of the textbook asexual person. I know that attraction is complicated and that not fitting the mainstream narrative doesn’t mean I have to be asexual. I know that, but I have never felt sexual attraction towards another human being in my life. Before I found the idea of the asexuality spectrum I didn’t know there was a word that applied to me that wasn’t “broken” or “wrong”. Don’t tell me I don’t need that word. When I discovered it, I thought “There’s a word for that? I didn’t know there was a word for that. I didn’t know there was anyone else in the world like me. I thought I was just broken.”

Maybe “asexual” isn’t the most precise word to describe the way I feel. Maybe it’s confusing to have a spectrum so broad that it encompasses wildly different people. Maybe I’ll always have to explain exactly what I mean by that label, or else people will get a wildly inaccurate idea of me. But it’s important for me to have a label. It’s important for me to know I’m not alone, or broken, or despicable. I’m just asexual.

 

Fanfiction Roundup: Gangbangs

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I love the idea of gangbangs. There’s a lot of fun things about it: getting to be the center of attention, getting used by a large number of people, impressing everyone with how much you can take, the sheer intensity of having several things done to you at once. I also have a lot of kink feelings about it, and I often find myself immersed in a gangbang story when I’m feeling into being used and humiliated and pushed to my limits. Gangbangs are one of those things that are nearly impossible to do in real life, though. Just the logistics of getting half a dozen people in the same room at the same time, who all want to bang one specific person? That’s a challenge. Luckily, this is exactly what smut is for. Here are some of my favorite gangbang fanfics!

  1. This Fever by gracerene (M/M, Harry Potter): Harry discovers he likes cock, and then all the cock, and then all the cock at once. Needy bottom Harry who just wants to be bossed around and taken care of really resonates with me. I also love it when there’s a dom in charge of the gangbang to move people around and tell them how to use the bottom. In this fic, Ron fills that role beautifully, complete with dirty talk and being the last person to take Harry.
  2. I Wanna See Your Animal Side by sidium (F/M, MCU Avengers): This one is consensual non-consent. Natasha has a fantasy about being gang raped, and after some explicit negotiation, the Avengers make her dream come true. Includes consent check-ins and the use of safewords. I’m a fan of the “I want to struggle but I want you to win” type of submission, so I love the part where Natasha makes a run for the door, fights as hard as she can, gives some people some bruises, and still ends up wrestled down and tied up and thoroughly happy about it.
  3. When did this happen? by Slaughter_Saints (F/M, Mad Max Fury Road): Trope inversions are one of my very favorite things, especially where there’s genderfuckery involved. In this fic, all of the Sisters plus Furiosa share Nux. They take turns. He’s very happy to service them. Sweetness, adoration of Furiosa, and some lovely gentle-but-firm femdom ensues!
  4. Sharing is Caring by Udunie (M/M, Teen Wolf, very dubious consent): This is the only one on this list with actual consent issues. Stiles is the new pack omega, and the alpha, Peter, shares him with Derek and Boyd. Everyone gets a turn taking Stiles up the ass, and Stiles is overstimulated and overwhelmed but likes the way it feels. One D/s thing I like is being pushed past my comfort zone by my dom, having to take just a little bit more than I would on my own because they want me to, and this is exactly the kind of fic that caters to that.
  5. Bang My Boyfriend by OhCaptainMyCaptain (M/M, F/M, MCU Avengers): The Avengers take turns having sex with Steve as Bucky watches. This is the kind of gangbang where Steve wants to play with all of his friends and also get pushed hard and overstimulated and take as much as he can. Bucky’s very proud of him, which makes my praise kink loving self squeal inside.
  6. Tryouts by Inell (M/M, Teen Wolf): What would this gangbang roundup be without a wildly unrealistic cliche porn premise? Stiles tries out for the baseball team, is reunited with his highschool crush, gets recognized from a sex club, and gangbanged in the locker room after practice. Gotta love a good old-fashioned locker room gangbang. Possessive Derek rocks the “I’ll share you with them but you’re really mine and only I can satisfy you” dom role, which really speaks to my kink for feeling owned.
  7. Tony Pulls a Train by Alex51324 (M/M, F/M, MCU Avengers): More consensual roleplay! In this one, Tony’s birthday present is to be the Avengers’ sex slave for a day. Featuring active consent and Tony still getting pushed to his limits and worn out by people he loves and trusts. I love this kind of balance between the sex slave trope, which is kinky and hot, and enthusiastic consent and caring friends, which gives me all the warm fuzzies.

Do you have a favorite gangbang fanfic that I left out? Let me know!

 

Valentine’s Day, Breakups, and My Aching Heart

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It feels like highly unfortunate timing, breaking off a long term relationship a week before the holiday celebrating romantic love. It seems so unfair that I’m still grieving far too much to take any joy in it.  I’d like to lodge a complaint with the universe. Can my next breakup not be the week before the holiday about love? Also, could you make it not on a Sunday?  I did not enjoy having to go through an entire week of functioning before getting to wallow properly.

I don’t want to be a bitter single person on Valentine’s Day bitching about consumerist holidays. That trope is so ugly and so played out, and anyhow, it’s not me. Because I like Valentine’s Day, usually. You’re not going to scare me off with a little consumerism, I live in the United States. I’d like to talk to you about the importance of self love and platonic love and how you don’t need a partner to feel whole. Certainly, I believe those things, and yet, I’m still in pain.

My ex really cared about holidays and anniversaries. I’m not as focused on them, but he put a high importance on being together on specific days to celebrate specific things. I highly doubt I’d be this upset about Valentine’s Day if he hadn’t. Last Valentine’s Day was the first and only Valentine’s Day I spent with him, and it was lovely. He made a point of us getting to see each other on that day. I stayed the weekend at his house, just enjoying getting to spend time with him. On Valentine’s Day, we had sleepy early morning sex, the kind that starts as half-awake cuddles and which turned into us having PIV for the first time. We were so proud of ourselves. I had come so far from trauma and pain and a reluctant vagina, and I had done it with him. He had been so gentle and caring and hadn’t pushed, but had encouraged me the whole way. That kind of love and encouragement and emotional support was so wonderful to have.

I wish I could give you a happy Valentine’s Day post. Or a funny one, or an inspirational one, or a wildly off topic one where I just talk about butts and ignore what day it is. I wish this were a post about self-love, but I haven’t even touched myself since the breakup. What am I supposed to think about while I jerk off if not him? This is where I am right now. With pain in my chest and tightness in my throat and tears in my eyes.

This Valentine’s Day, I am grieving. I am filled with pain and loss and wanting. That’s okay. This is a part of loving and losing and trying again. This is where I’m at this Valentine’s Day, so I’m going to let myself be here for a while. I’m going to wallow and take care of myself and feel my feelings. As far as love and sex go, I’ll get back to y’all in a while.

Tails and Portholes Mini Poseidon Review

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I’ve wanted to try a toy with a knot for forever. Call it too much werewolf smut, but they’ve always intrigued me. For my first knotted toy, I got the Mini Poseidon by Tails and Portholes. It also comes in a non-mini version, which is significantly larger.

Maybe someday I will be able to read the dimensions of a toy and accurately visualize its size, but today is not that day. I was a bit surprised by how short the Mini Poseidon is. It’s a bit shorter than the Tantus Neo, which is odd on account of how butt plugs are typically shorter than dildos. I personally like short dildos because my vagina is on the shallower end of the bell curve. With longer knotted dildos, I worry that I won’t be able to get the knot in because it’s at the end of an eight inch shaft. With my low-hanging cervix, that just ain’t happening. So, I’m personally okay with how short the Mini Poseidon is.

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I picked the mini size because I knew I could handle it and I didn’t want to have to struggle to experience knotting. Keep in mind that for me, a 1.5″ diameter firm dildo like the Godemiche Ambit feels big and filling but not overwhelming. If your orifice of choice is more comfortable with girth than mine is (or if the struggle is part of your knotting fantasy) I recommend getting the larger size. Firm silicone also tends to feel more substantial, so if you’re looking for the most intense experience, go with that. The softness of the silicone means that the popping sensation is a little bit gentler. It’s still a good stretching feeling, and I’m into it. On days when I’m wanting more girth, I like using the Mini Poseidon while the Tantus Neo is in my butt, which makes the Mini Poseidon feel bigger and makes the popping sensation feel more intense.

The shaft is very small, especially the section just below the head, before the midshaft. It’s hard to feel that part, it’s almost like it’s not there. Closer to the knot, I can feel the texture better. Inserting the knot is a bit like inserting a bulbous head, there’s that sudden stretching feeling and then it fits in with a kind of pop. I love squeezing around it. Soft silicone is way more fun to clench around than firm silicone, that’s why stress balls are squishy! There’s enough resistance to feel like it’s pushing back, but enough give that I feel like I’m compressing it. I was surprised at how different squeezing on a knot is from toys where the girth is the same all the way down. The pressure is all focused in one spot, which for me landed around my G-spot, where I quite like a bit of pressure. So that was fun.

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The Mini Poseidon is excellent for lazy masturbation for me because I can insert it without much warm up, and then I just leave it in there and clench around it instead of having to do a bunch of thrusting. As a person who regularly uses the Magic Wand Rechargeable through their pajama pants instead of doing any more work than that, I’m digging it. I’m also a fan of the texture. The ridges are pronounced enough that even in the solid soft firmness, I can feel them. It’s enough to be interesting but not so much that it’s crazy intense or detracts from the knot. The blunt head, in addition to being visually appealing, creates a small popping sensation in comparison with the big pop of the knot, which is kinda cool.

One complaint: I really wish the section below the knot was about half an inch longer. As it is, the knot barely makes it past my vaginal opening. It would be more comfortable for use as a vaginal plug if it sat on the other side of my pubic bone. I end up pushing down on the base to get it in as far as humanly possible. Your mileage may vary, of course, I can hardly presume to speak for all pubic bones. But if yours is prominent and situated close to your vaginal entrance, like mine is, you might have a bit of difficulty getting the knot to sit in a comfortable spot.

Overall, I’m happy with my first knotting experience. I definitely enjoy the sensation of knotting! I’m thrilled that the Mini Poseidon helped me realize that long-held fantasy without intimidating my vagina with girth or crazy texture. There aren’t a lot of knotted dildos this small, and I’m glad I was able to start with a size that’s well within my comfort zone. I recommend this toy to anyone who’s curious about knotting but doesn’t want to push their girth limits.

Tails and Portholes is closing! At time of posting (2/9/17), it is closing permanently. I will miss their creative designs, beautiful color schemes, and kindness towards bloggers. My best wishes to Brandie and my thanks for the wonderful toys.

On Being Comfortably Ugly

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When I was younger, I had awful body image issues. I thought I was fat and ugly and unlovable. I was carrying around a lot of hatred for myself and towards the world about not being able to measure up to other people. It made me feel so painfully less than and despised and unworthy. This is super duper common in young people who are socialized as female. I spent a lot of time  effort trying desperately to change myself, to make myself better, to try to be good enough, pretty enough, wanted. If only I could fix my flaws, if only I tried harder, if only I bought more skincare products, then I would be pretty, and if I was pretty, then I could be good enough and be happy. I put an awful lot of effort into performing femininity out of a desperate and misguided search for love and acceptance.

If you’ve ever been on the internet, you’ve seen the kind of body positive posts that tell you that you are beautiful, no matter what. They say “No matter what you look like, you are beautiful and therefore deserving of love and respect.” I have a couple of problems with these posts. First, I can’t get past that this first premise feels like a lie. Some human bodies are more aesthetically pleasing to others. For example, humans really like symmetry, for some weird reason, so symmetrical faces are more enjoyable for humans to look at. From the other side of things, depending on your tastes, your values, and your culture, what you consider aesthetically pleasing might be wildly different from someone else. Secondly, the idea that only beautiful people are deserving of love is ridiculous. Our culture values and promotes beautiful people and sees them as inherently better than people who are not beautiful. This is so damaging. If you buy into this, then your “you’re beautiful love yourself” post isn’t helping, because it is still perpetuating the idea that human value is dependent on physical appearance.

My breakthrough did not come from posts that said “everyone is beautiful no matter what!” It also did not come from self acceptance posts that told me it was okay to love my body exactly as it is. If you found your breakthrough towards self love through either of those things, I think that’s great and I’m glad they helped you. My breakthrough came from something a friend of mine posted, and it went like this: The point of a body is not to be beautiful. The point of a body is that it is the thing my consciousness inhabits, which allows me to exist in and experience this world. It allows me to have my brief mortal existence and be a person and have an impact on this world, if in whatever tiny way. For me, overcoming the self loathing caused by not being able to measure up to societal standards came not from recognizing my own beauty, but from changing my values. I no longer value beauty above and beyond all other traits. There are other things I want to cultivate in myself, like kindness and thoughtfulness, that I value more highly and would rather spend my energy on.

I want to be clear that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking pride in your appearance. If makeup or cute clothes or a high maintenance hairstyle make you happy, then that’s awesome. If you spend hours carefully crafting an aesthetic and that aesthetic brings you great joy, then by all means, carry on. My point is that if you’re not rocking a sweet aesthetic, you are still a person of worth with inherent value who deserves basic human rights and respect.

I am not very pretty. I am also lacking in tact, and have difficulty explaining myself when I am upset, and I can be terribly self focused. I am also exceedingly well organized, deeply empathetic, powerfully driven, and tenacious. It’s almost like I’m a whole person and my physical appearance is only one facet of the complex human being that I am. I don’t have to look pretty. It is not my job. Not being attractive to the people around me does not in any way make me less qualified, less important, less of a human being. It also doesn’t mean that I can’t wear purple lipstick and a corset and feel sexy and have fun. If I am ugly, I am still a person of worth. I don’t have to be afraid of losing my worth just because I’m ugly. I am comfortable the way I am, and I do not have to change my appearance in any way in order to be worthy of love. These things are a relief to me. I find it so freeing to be comfortable with being ugly.

7 Reasons Why I Like Smut Better Than Porn

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My erotic fodder of choice has always been the written variety. I first discovered smut through dirty Harry Potter fanfiction, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I’ve dabbled in video porn, but it just doesn’t push my buttons the same way. Here are some reasons why I love smut so much.

  1. Plot and Buildup. In a written story, you can have a slow burn in a way that’s really hard to achieve with porn. There can be sexual tension and pining and desperation leading up to the hardcore sexy times. This is tricky to achieve in video porn, partially because the expectation of the industry is to have titillation right off the bat. I’m a big fan of writers who work in interesting plot and slow escalation in a way that would be logistically difficult for the average porn maker to film.
  2. Emotional Connections. This is especially true for fanfiction, but also for erotic novels or any smut where you get to know the characters really well. I like to care about the people I’m getting turned on by. I don’t want someone I’ve never heard of before, I want a person that I like. (This is also a reason I hear often for liking amateur performers better than mainstream ones, which I do.)
  3. Naked Bodies Don’t Turn Me On. What I find arousing is sex acts and kinks that I like, not human bodies. So the addition of visuals to video porn isn’t going to do much for me. In smut, the writer is forced to describe the sex that’s taking place, which often leads to gloriously detailed, in-depth imagery about the specific actions. This makes me a happy camper.
  4. Using My Imagination. One great thing about reading in general is that you can picture things exactly the way you want them. You’re not limited by what the studio had a budget for, or who they cast, or the camera angle they shot from. In smut, you can just let your brain run with it and show you exactly what you want to see.
  5. Impossible Fantasies. Some fantasies can’t be filmed. In smut, people can explore badwrong, illegal, or immoral fantasies in a way that is safe and does not actually hurt anyone. They can also explore things that are physically impossible, like knotting, or things that are terribly difficult to organize logistically, like gangbangs. In smut, you’re not limited by things like obscenity laws or physics or a performer’s stamina- you have free rein for your fantasies.
  6. Queer Female Perspectives. The majority of people writing fanfiction, including the smutty kind, are queer and/or female. I happen to be both of those things. Most mainstream porn is shot for the straight male gaze, which is just not me at all. While you can find queer and/or female perspectives in porn, especially the amateur or indie variety, smut allows me to enjoy more queer/female perspectives more easily.
  7. Avoiding Squicks. A “squick” is something that makes you uncomfortable or turns you off, which you would strongly prefer not to have in your porn. Something that squicks you out isn’t inherently wrong, it’s just not your cup of tea. In fanfiction, there’s a culture of tagging everything and giving warnings so that people can avoid their squicks as well as their triggers. Thanks to super thorough search engines and filtering systems, it’s so much easier than with porn to find smut that contains things you like and nothing you don’t.

What about you, do you prefer smut or porn? Why do you like your medium of choice?

Doxy Don Review

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The Don is a silicone plug-in vibrator made by Doxy. The bulb bit at the toy is 2.5″ long by 1.27″ wide, the toy overall is 7.5″ tall, and it has a 12 foot long power cord.

The motor in this toy is just astonishing. It’s jaw-droppingly good. When I first felt it, in my fave brick and mortar sex toy store, I couldn’t believe how deep, low, and rumbly it felt, and I’m thrilled to be able to report that it translated to feeling good on my bits. On lots of toys, as you increase the vibration strength, the quality of vibration gets more and more buzzy. This is why I generally tend to use lower settings more, the rumbliness just feels so much better and more stimulating, and gets me off better. The Don somehow manages to keep the rumbliness on its higher settings, and even if you turn it all the way up, never gets uncomfortably sharp and buzzy. The first setting on the Magic Wand Rechargeable has been my gold standard for strong, rumbly vibrations for months now. One day during testing I switched from the Don to the MWR, and I was stunned by how much less rumbly the MWR felt in comparison. The Don’s lowest setting is also much less strong than the MWR, and I really appreciate that. It gives me a gentle place to start, instead of shocking my vulva with intense vibrations right off the bat. The body of the toy does vibrate quite a bit, but I didn’t find it bothersome to hold because the vibrations didn’t make my fingers itchy or numb. The shape of this toy may be odd, but it would be hard to dislike any toy with a motor this good.

I really like broad stimulation on my clitoris: think rubbing with the heel of your palm instead of one fingertip. For me, putting just the bulb on my clit felt really pinpoint and intense, and if I wasn’t ready for it, it was overstimulating and painful. Especially for warming up, I  like to use the Don with the wider part against my clitoris and the bulb elsewhere on my vulva, usually around my vaginal opening. As I get more aroused, then I can place the bulb directly on my clit, enjoy the focused stimulation, and have strong orgasms. It takes a bit more time to gently work my way up, so the Don isn’t very good for quickies. If I have the time and the patience, the strong rumbles deliver deep, strong orgasms, which is a pretty good trade off.

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The Don is marketed as an anal vibrator, so naturally I had to stick it up my butt. It is anal safe, but the design isn’t like any other butt toy I’ve ever seen. With the bulb portion inserted, there’s this big thing hanging out of my butt. It’s way too big to sit down or lay down with this giant cylinder in between your butt cheeks, so I just kind of crouched awkwardly. The nubby bit on the flat top pressed against my perineum in that position, which felt nice, and the rumbliness is also good inside the butt. But it’s just awkward and uncomfortable to hold this big old toy just to have a small one inch part of it up the butt. The insertable portion is too small and bulbous to thrust, so it just kinda hangs out there. If Doxy wants to put this motor in a more anal-friendly design, I’d be all for it, but the Don is not successful as an anal vibrator.

I also tried the Don with the bulb in my vagina and the nubby bit on or near my clit. The angle required for this means the bulb doesn’t hit my G-spot because it’s pointed towards the back wall of my vagina instead of the front. Internally, the bulb doesn’t do much for me. The nubby part does reach my clit just fine, and I can get off that way. But if I’m gonna put something inside my vagina, any of my favorite dildos are going to be more stimulating and more comfortable than that hard short bulb.

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A couple of quibbles: I don’t really understand why the toy starts on the middle setting, and then I have to turn it down to get to the lowest one before I start. The controls are separate from the toy itself, so they often get turned around and I end up turning the Don up when I meant to turn it off. The cord that connects the toy to the controls is constantly tangled up with the cord that connects the controls to the plug. I love that the buttons are large, clearly labeled, easy to push, and light up when pushed and when the toy is plugged in, but the above three points mean I still get confused by or frustrated with the controls sometimes.

Overall, the Don has the best, most rumbly motor I have ever come in contact with. It’s a bit odd to hold and a bit awkward to insert anally, but the vibrations are delicious and do excellent things to my clitoris. If you want deep, rumbly vibrations with a wide range of strength settings, stimulation that is neither super pinpoint nor super broad, and have an outlet within twelve feet of where you’ll be having sex, the Don is a great choice.

Additionally, the Don has a fabulously low price for a vibrator this good: you can pick one up for $89.99 USD at SheVibe!

Thank you to Doxy North America for sending me the Doxy Don free of charge in exchange for an honest, unbiased review.

On Achievements of 2016 and Plans for 2017

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Happy New Year! On June 20th, I went ahead and launched my blog, and it’s been just over six months since then. Time has flown!

First off, a recap of the past year. Sex toys were a huge part of my life in 2016. I first discovered them late in 2015, but this past year is when I really got into them. They’ve expanded the sexual experiences I have and given me something to geek over and get excited about. These are my top three toys of 2016:

  1. Best Vibe- The Magic Wand Rechargeable: I got this in March and it drastically changed my masturbating habits. It’s my old reliable, big, strong, best used through a couple of blankets, and lets me have orgasms while sitting in a chair. Definitely gets the most use out of all the toys I own.
  2. Best Dildo- Tantus Echo: This dildo was a birthday present to myself, and it’s my favorite G-spotter so far. Those ridges are firm, intense, require lots of warm-up, and make my G-spot do amazing things. Makes me come too soon, A+, would recommend.
  3. Best Kink- KinkCraft Mini Flogger: My partner prefers this flogger to our other impact toys because it’s so easy to wield. I love the little red welts it gives me. Also, I had lots of fun making it myself and it’s a pretty bright blue! It’s hard to beat that (pun totally intended.)

Besides sex toys, I wrote some stuff I’m really proud of this year. This blog is a space for me to talk about topics that are important to me, and to try to help others understand my perspective. Here are the top three posts in which I really feel like I achieved that:

  1. On Being in the Closet: I wrote this after the election, when I and a lot of my friends were terribly scared. People were talking a lot about hiding, and the closet, and I wanted to show why I never want to go back into the closet.
  2. I Didn’t Know They Were Called Orgasms: I grew up with very limited sex education, and it took me years to connect the concept of orgasm to a thing that actually happens to my body. I spent a long time feeling scared, confused, and wrong, and I want people to know that was a direct result of incomplete and biased education.
  3.  On Self Care and Motivation: This is a deeply personal post about how I try to convince myself that I am worth taking care of. For me, self care is often really hard, and I think it’s okay to do odd things if they will help you feel better.

Second off, my goals and plans for 2017. I’m excited to dive even deeper into the world of sex toys. It feels like there’s still so much out there to explore, and that’s invigorating. These are three types of toys I want to play with this year:

  1. Larger Toys: Much of 2016 involved my journey from not being able to penetrate my vagina at all to being able to enjoy PIV sex with my current partner. I’m still fairly limited in the toys I use. I want to try larger butt plugs especially because my butt has proved itself to be much more accommodating to being stretched than my vagina, and I’d like to do more with that. Right now I’m maxing out at around 1.5″ diameter for both of those orifices, so I want to try toys that are 1.75″ (or maybe larger). Because I love soft silicone, I’ve got my eye on some larger dual density toys like the Tantus Uncut #1 and the Vixen Bandit.
  2. Kink Stuff: I’ve reviewed a few pieces of kink gear, and I own some that I have yet to review, but there’s so much I haven’t tried yet. I want to try more sensations. I know I love my flogger from KinkCraft and a good old fashioned open handed spanking,  I don’t own a single paddle! I’d be very open to reviewing a few (or several) paddles in 2017. I’d love to try other floggers as well, and I think KinkCraft’s large flogger kit would be another cool project. As well as impact play, I’d be open to trying more bondage gear, other collars, or maybe wax play.
  3. Vibrators: The Magic Wand Rechargeable might be the best thing since sliced bread, but I’d really like to branch out a bit. I only own five vibrators, three of which are battery-operated and buzzy, so I never use them anymore. The only G-spot vibrator I’ve tried was cheap and had obnoxiously high pitched vibrations, and therefore a good G-spot vibe is right at the top of my list. Also, despite how prolific small clit vibes are, I don’t actually own any yet. I’m really hoping some vibes from WeVibe and L’amourose find their way into my toybox this year!

This is cheating the three things rule, but I also want to try wooden toys. It’s the only body safe material I haven’t gotten to yet, and I recently discovered Lumberjill Leisurecrafts’ work, which I find absolutely gorgeous. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I get to try a whole bunch of cool toys this year!

I also have some other ideas about and goals for the writing I want to do this year:

  1. More Personal Posts: There are several topics that I haven’t yet talked about on this blog that are important to me.I haven’t written much about being on the asexuality spectrum, or my daddy kink, or being a switch and dating a switch. I want to write about what being a little girl and a Mommy Domme means to me. I’ve written almost twice as many reviews as other kinds of posts, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, I don’t think I want to be a review-centric blog. I hope to find a better balance next year and keep my reviews down to half of my posts at most.
  2. More Content, More Regularly: My goal for 2017 is to write 36 solid posts that I’m proud of. To achieve that, I want to publish three posts a month, all year long. In the past six months, I’ve published 22 posts: 14 were reviews and 8 were personal thoughts. I’m pretty proud of that! I’m still just getting started as a blogger. I’m in college full time and I work part time, which means I have limited ability to write. That’s okay, I can still make good content, even if I’m not making huge amounts of it. I do want to get better at spreading my posts out, instead of lots of posts when I have time and very few posts when I’m busy.
  3. Have Fun! This blog is a labor of love. There’s no point to doing it if I’m not enjoying myself. I want to prioritize content that I enjoy and that I care about, learn about myself and my needs, and share my thoughts with the world. For all my goals and plans and structure, I still believe the most important part is that I continue enjoying and having fun with this weird awesome hobby that I’ve discovered. So if what makes me happy changes partway through the year, I hereby give myself permission to let my blog change with it.

What were your favorite toys this year? Got any goals and plans for 2017?