Tantus Mark O2 Review

mark 2

The thing about the Tantus Mark O2 that makes it unlike every other dildo in my collection is that I didn’t buy it so that I could fuck myself with it. I got it so that it could be my dick, because I sorta want one of those. I’ve had a wonderful strap-on harness for a long time, which I used first for pegging and then for wlw adventures, but I never had a realistic, penis-y dildo to put it in. The dildos I own that do resemble human penises are invariably in bright, wholly unrealistic colors, and in addition, they often resemble penises only vaguely. Because of that lack and because of penis envy feelings, I’ve been really wanting something like the Mark for a long time.

I picked this specific dildo over other realistic market options for a few reasons: first, I just like the feel of Tantus O2 toys over some of their competitors. The silicone is matte and soft to the touch, and it never feels tacky or sticky like VixSkin can. (Sorry friends, I am super picky about texture!) Secondly, when shopping for something to use as my dick, I needed something that looked realistic. Not just “there is definitely a penis in the world that looks like that” but “a person of my size, skin tone, cultural penchant for circumcision, etc. would have a penis that looks like that.” Mark is of average length and medium width (I’m 5’4″) and comes in a very pale cream color, all of which suits what I imagine my bio dick would look like if I had one.

mark 1

Mark is actually my first O2 toy (as opposed to Tantus’ firm-but-flexible or super soft formulas). Not only that, it’s actually my first dual density toy ever! Wow, I am late to the dual density party, but y’all? I get it now. Dual density toys have a core of firm silicone with a layer of softer silicone on the outside. While I personally still prefer super soft silicone, especially for bigger toys, dual density really is ideal for strap-on play. Being a bit firmer than super soft prevents it from drooping in a harness and makes it easier to “steer,” if you’ll forgive the metaphor. Being a bit softer than firm makes it more gentle for the bottom, and harder for the top to accidentally hurt them.

Internally, I thought the Mark was fine. It’s not big, very curved, or bulbed, which are all things that make penetrative toys interesting and enjoyable for me. For me, the draw for this toy was never internal stimulation, it was all the way it looks. On it’s own, it’s fairly middle-of-the-road: I can get some nice penetration, especially if I thrust it rather quickly like I’m actually being fucked, but I feel like there are probably less expensive dildos that can also accomplish that very simple task.

Where this dildo shines is as an excellent strap-on toy. It’s just a little bit long, which helps with staying in, especially since the harness covers some of the length. It’s just a little bit curved, which helps with angles, especially from behind or in re strap-on blowjobs. Because of its medium size, it’s suitable for lots of bottoms. If what you’re looking for is an everyday strap-on that just works, Mark might be just the ticket.

I’m not gonna lie; the biggest reason I love this toy so much is purely psychological. It just looks like my dick. It feels like my dick. Having a dildo that looks and feels like my dick is so incredibly affirming in a way that’s probably not applicable to a ton of people. If you’re searching for that right now, I really hope you find it, whether in the Mark or in something that looks completely different.

You’d like the Mark O2 if you want a realistic, medium-sized strap-on dildo. (Or if you happen to be looking for your own dick and also happen to share my very specific requirements!) You can pick one up at Tantus or SheVibe!

I got the Mark O2 as a Christmas present from my wonderful girlfriend!

I Trust You, Daddy

I trust you daddy

My Daddy dom and I have been exploring our dynamic lately. We’ve been together for almost a year, and there’s a sense of wanting to try new things, as well as of wanting to see where we want to take this. Part of this is trying more intense D/s things that we weren’t ready for before, like consensual non-consent scenes, having a list of rules, and choking me out. Recently, my Daddy said something about choking me that surprised me: he told me that he trusts me enough to do it. I had to stop and think about that idea for a minute, cause I’d never really heard it put quite that way before. I feel like the common discourse in the kink world is all about the bottom trusting the top. And sure, you have to trust someone at least a bit to let them restrain you or hurt you, or anything like that. But it does go both ways.

This probably shouldn’t have struck me as much as it did, because I have been on both sides of this coin. It’s a heady rush of power and adrenaline to be allowed to choke or hit someone, to know that they trust you not to actually damage them. But it also requires that you trust your sub: that you know they’ll speak up or safeword when they need to, that they really want this and are actually enjoying it, that they won’t hate you or judge you because you like hurting them. Nobody goes into kink with nothing to lose.

Kink isn’t only a giant elaborate trust exercise, but for me, that’s certainly part of it. It’s like a game of faith, of stretching the boundaries in how far you can depend on someone. How hard can we push this? How far can we take it? Do you trust me to catch you? How much power can we exchange between us? Can we bend this without breaking it?

Can I trust you with what I really want? There’s an intensity and an intimacy in breaking the ordinary rules for behavior. There’s a defiance to asking for something that would usually be understood as bad, unpleasant, painful, or humiliating. There’s such vulnerability there, both in admitting you want to be the victim of something “bad” and in admitting you want to be the perpetrator.

There’s a reason that I, as well as many other kinksters, don’t feel comfortable getting into anything D/s with someone we haven’t established a rapport or connection with. Even admitting the things I want feels like being naked, to say nothing of the practical trust needed to actually work our way through a scene together. But when you do find that trust, that connection, that mutual willingness to push the limits of acceptable behavior into the deepest darkest secrets of what you actually want? It’s a kind of terrifyingly beautiful magic. It’s a sort of miracle to be able to say (and to be able to show through kink) that I trust my Daddy, with my whole heart.

On Penis Envy

mark 4a

I have a love-hate relationship with the term “penis envy.”

It was invented by Freud, and he used it to describe a phenomenon in which a vulva-owning person sees that some individuals have penises, feels inferior in comparison, and therefore becomes envious and wishes to have a penis.

These claims are disgustingly sexist and objectively untrue. They are partially on the concept that having a vulva is akin to having no sex organs whatsoever. In fact, “nothing” was a slang term for vulvas/vaginas for a while (see Shakespeare.) It is also based on the viewpoint that penises are superior to vulvas, and similarly, that men are superior to women. Otherwise, women wouldn’t “envy” penis-havers their “superior” genitals.

Freud believed women and girls experience penis envy subconsciously, so they aren’t aware of it, but it does influences their behavior. This is an extremely annoying “gotcha.” If a woman says “um, no, I don’t want a penis,” Freud comes back with “yes you do, subconsciously, you just don’t know it!” which seems to be just another way to discount women’s experiences and knowledge of their own desires.

A common feminist critique of penis envy is that if having a certain body part allows someone to be treated as a person instead of an object, it makes sense that individuals with other body parts might go “gee, I wish I had that thing that allowed my personhood to be recognized.” In this framework, the feelings have nothing to do with body parts and everything to do with oppression. I think this is a smart and reasonable interpretation which does not explain my personal feelings at all.

The phrase “penis envy” was created by a misogynist who meant hateful, derogatory things by it. Those aren’t connotations that I want anywhere near me. Unfortunately, I don’t really have a phrase that more accurately describes my feelings.

I feel a thing that I call penis envy, for lack of a better, more specific term. When I talk about penis envy, I mean that I would rather like to have a penis. That’s kinda it, really. I really like penises and I kinda wish I had one. I’ve wondered what it would be like to have different bits. I’ve pondered how dick of my own would be: the size, shape, feel, smell. I got the dildo in the above pic because I wanted a realistic strapon that looked like me. It’s pretty close to what I think my cock might look like.

Before you ask, no, I’m not really sure what this means about my gender. (I’m still working on that one.) What I do know is that my feelings have nothing to do with the misogynistic lack of self-esteem Freud described. They also don’t really have to do with internalized misogyny or a desperate wish to have my personhood recognized, although I think that feminist interpretation has merit in other areas. They really just have to do with me wanting a penis.

If you have a better word for the feelings I have, feel free to let me know! Til then, I am in search of a phrase that’s as short and clear as “penis envy,” without all the complicated sexist baggage, and I guess I’ll continue to use the phrase I have.