I’ve never dommed anyone smaller than me.
Part of this is just statistics. In a world of humans, I am on one end of the bell curve. (At least, the bell curve for the United States.) Part of this is that at this point in my life, I really haven’t dommed that many people. It’s partially a numbers thing. But it is a thing.
Like many kinky humans, I have a bit of a size kink. It’s not as big of a kink for me as it is for some of my friends, but I’d be lying if I said it’s not there. “Big human overpowers small human” feeds right into my love of power exchange. I also love feeling small in comparison to my dom, something which often gives me heckin little feels.
And yet, here I am, shorter than most people I know, carrying around some domly impulses. Maybe I had to find a way to fit those two things together so that my brain didn’t explode from the contradiction.
The way I found is sort of an inverse size kink. Sure, the bigger person in traditional size kink has the physical power to pick up their sub and throw them down. I’m not saying I’d say no to that, from either perspective. But it’s also an incredible rush to know that someone could pick me up and throw me off them if they wanted to, and instead, I am in complete control.
I am in love with willful surrender. I am enamored by submission as a deliberate choice. I am thrilled by the idea that this person wants to be mine and wants to be controlled. There’s also a sort of perverted psychological aspect to it. When the dynamic is strong enough, it no longer matters who could beat who in a wrestling match. They have given me such psychological power over them that their physical strength is no longer of any consequence.
Maybe this is just a rationalization, a way of dealing with the contradictory notions that I love big doms and yet am a small dom. But hey, it really does it for me. I like being tiny and yet completely, utterly in charge of people who are supposed to be more powerful than me. Especially big dudes.
One of my exes was a wonderful person who was also a switch like me, and happened to be quite a lot taller than me. When he was feeling little, he would crawl into my lap and remind me for all the world of a big dog like a German Shepard who still wants to be a lap dog and love on you. It was the sweetest thing. He couldn’t get all the way into my lap. When I was the big spoon, my head rested somewhere around his shoulder blades. But I could still make him feel small, and held, and protected.
Being a short woman, I’m not most people’s idea of a powerful and domly body type. I could try to get around that. I could try to feed into my size kink by searching for people smaller than me. (There aren’t a ton of them, but they do exist.) Instead, I want to embrace it. I want to run at it full throttle and shove it in people’s faces and laugh at how wrong they are. I love the inversion of it. I love turning all expectations on their head. I love domming people who are bigger than me.