My (Fictional) Type

my fictional type

In real life, I don’t think I have too much of a type. I love nerds. I love people who are crazy passionate about stuff, especially when we share the same crazy passions. Other than that, there aren’t really any patterns. This is not the case for my favorite fictional characters: all the characters I have crushes on are pretty much the same.

I love flawed characters. I love the long redemption arc, the struggle towards true change. I love the bad boy who chooses good in the end. I love the character that is selfish and violent, that makes poor choices.

My favorite characters do all the wrong things for all the right reasons. They take the ugly, messy solution that all the more righteous characters are trying to find a way to avoid. They’re not afraid to cut the knot in half with their sword and damn the consequences. My favorite characters aren’t afraid to be the bad guy in order to save our heroes. They will do whatever has to be done in the name of love. They will commit mass murder for the sake of their loved ones. They will make a deal with the devil to protect their family, whether that family is blood-related or not.

My fictional type falls in love with goodness. They are on the outside looking in, because they can’t help but be captivated by true goodness. They long for the goodness in their love interest that they cannot find in themselves. Through striving to do good for this person, they truly change their own hearts. In the end, they will die for their love.

They are the skeptic drunkard who rise for the revolution after all. They are Grantaire standing to die with Enjolras, saying “Long live the revolution!” and more importantly, asking “If you will permit it?”

They are the traumatized survivor of the Holocaust who can no longer trust in the goodness of the other. They are the leader whose love for their friend cannot stop them from doing what they think they have to do to save that friend. They are Magneto declaring that humans and mutants can never live in peace, and that Charles Xavier is a fool. They are Magneto saying “Goodbye, old friend.”

They are the fallen prince stumbling his way towards the light, failing and backtracking and eventually succeeding. They are Zuko desperately vying for his father’s approval. More than that, they are Zuko telling his father that he no longer needs it, telling his father that he is betraying him and leaving to follow his own path. They are Zuko at his coronation, getting the thing he’s always wanted, deferring the credit to others.

They are the vicious vampire who loves being a vampire. They are the broken and fallen brother. They are Damon returning a necklace to Elena even though it is a symbol of her love for his brother, a love which he believes he can never deserve.

They are a demon tormented by a soul, a soul and a torment that they chose in order to be worthy of the only thing they’ve ever been sure of. They are Spike saving Sunnydale, grinning through the pain and saying “I wanna see how it ends.”

They are Jaime Lannister saving Brienne from the bear pit and burning Cersei’s letter. They are Cesare Borgia stabbing his brother, giving in to temptation, and saving Rome through deceit. They are Klaus Mikaelson mourning his child and damning his own narcissism.

I love flaws and pain and redemption. I love broken characters who redeem themselves in the end. I have a fucking type.

 

Twin Tail Creations Mocha Review

mocha1a

The lovely Mocha the Dragon from Twin Tail Creations was a birthday present to myself. It’s my second knotted dildo! TTC is a rad fantasy toy company that originally caught my eye with their unique Avian design, but then I fell in love with this knotted beauty in fabulous nebula coloration, and I just had to have it. I admit, I am swayed by pretty silicone!

I got Mocha in size Mini and Medium firmness. There are three bigger sizes, but Mini was the only one I knew I could conquer. The thing with knotted toys, is that in order to get the knot inside of you, you have to be able to take not just the girth of the knot, but also the whole length of the toy. This can make ordering larger sizes a bit tricky for short-vagina’d folks like me, especially when the knot is at the very bottom! As for firmness, TTC’s medium is pretty comparable to toys like the Vamp Super Soft from Tantus’ Super Soft line: rather squishy, with some resistance, not floppy. The Mocha has lovely scale detailing on the base and a bumpy ridge going down on one side of the shaft. I fully appreciate the dragon aesthetic. Sadly, my vagina is not very texture sensitive and I can’t feel the bumps in use.

mocha3

I am slowly delving farther and farther into the world of knotted dildos, and so far, I think they’re pretty great. It’s a fairly similar sensation to popping in a bulbous head, but a little bit different because there’s already something inside of you.

The tapered head and gently sloped knot make this toy pretty easy to insert. I suspect that a much more dramatic knot would be a real challenge for me. As it is, I get a bit of a pop and a nice sense of fullness without a great deal of effort, which is lovely. (I kinda want to try a more challenging knot, but that’s a post for another day!) The Mocha is pretty easy to leave in because there’s enough space below the knot for me to get the knot past my pubic bone. That way, my vaginal opening can relax around the smaller part at the bottom, instead of trying to contend with a big knot.

As with other toys that have a knot or bulbous head, I find it difficult to thrust much with the Mocha and prefer to mostly leave it in there, clench around it, and come on it.  I really like the sensation of orgasm around a knot because it makes the muscle contractions feel so much more intense. It sort of concentrates them in one area. It also prevents my vagina from pushing the whole toy out during orgasm, which has been known to happen when a toy has the same girth all the way down!

mocha2

Mocha was a lovely second step into the world of knots. It’s a beautiful and refreshingly new take on a fantasy knotted dildo, and was clearly designed with the comfort of vaginas everywhere in mind. I highly recommend Mocha if you like knotted dildos that aren’t too extreme, or if you’re curious to see what this whole knot thing is about and try one out for the first time.

You can find Mocha the Dragon and other great fantasy toys at Twin Tail Creations!

On Maybe Having a Shoe Fetish

shoes

I swear to god I don’t have a shoe fetish. At least, I thought I didn’t. You see, I’ve never been much of a shoe person. I have an aesthetic appreciation for them, sure, but I’ve never been one to collect as many shoes as possible, and that appreciation has never been erotically charged. I guess it’s partially because shoes are connected to feet. Feet are decidedly neutral for me- they don’t usually squick me out but I also don’t particularly want them in my sex life. And I have very strong feelings that feet should not go anywhere near my mouth.

Except, on my second date with the lovely woman I am currently dating, a thing happened. We were hanging out with some friends, drinking a bit, and we decided to play strip poker. My girlfriend was wearing a pair of gorgeous thigh high suede boots with stiletto heels. Due to the nature of the game, she eventually had to take them off and she asked for my assistance. My drunken ass dropped to the ground immediately and reverently unzipped them. Now that was erotically charged.

More recently, my boyfriend stayed over way too late- until 4am. We were trying to convince each other that he ought to leave, instead of continuing to cuddle, and he said “I really ought to put my shoes on and get going.” I paused for a second. “Would you like some help with that?” I replied. He gave me a look before saying “Yes.” I went and fetched his shoes from the other side of the room and kneeled in front of where he’s sitting. I blushed and hid my head in his lap because the whole thing is just a little embarrassing.

Then he told me that he did need to leave, and if he didn’t know better he’d think I was trying to keep him longer. I responded “I’m not trying to find an excuse to keep you, I just really do like serving you.” Then he smiled and told me “The job’s not done, little girl.” Carefully, gently, I rolled his sock onto his foot. Softly, he said “Now the other one.” I place his socks, then his shoes, onto his feet one by one. Just like with an actual little girl who wants to help, the whole process is much slower than if he had just done it himself. Having completed my task, I looked up at him from my place on the floor, smiling. He looked away and said “I have some feelings about that.” So do I.

Since that happened, my boyfriend and I have talked about it a little bit. He told me that he should make me lace up his leather boots sometime. And yes, absolutely yes, I want to do that. He also suggested I polish his boots, and then later said I should polish them with my tongue. I melted inside, because I’d been daydreaming about licking his boots but I didn’t want to be too weird. I also want to actually polish his boots- get shoe polish and a rag and make sure I get them bright and shiny and beautiful. I would be meticulous and careful and my Daddy would watch me from up above and tell me what a good job I’m doing.

I think polishing might be exactly the kind of repetitive physical motion that puts me into a meditative state, like sewing or kneading dough or giving a blowjob. My brain finds things like that very soothing, and the repetition combined with attention to detail just quiets my mind. I can just see myself getting so absorbed in that task that the whole world melts away, leaving only me, my Daddy, and the task that he’s set for me.

It’s interesting to me that I knew about bootblacking as a fetish before this, but I had never seriously considered it. I didn’t think it applied to me. It’s fascinating to me how my feelings about a kink or sex thing can change so dramatically once it’s reframed. Context is everything, and in a service context, suddenly the idea of licking someone’s shoes sounds very appealing to me. I’m going to take this as my occasional reminder from the universe that sexuality is fluid, and sometimes, you just gotta roll with suddenly developing a shoe fetish you never thought you’d have.