Tails and Portholes Abyssal King Review

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Sometimes I get to take people on tours of my toy collection. I love getting to talk about my favorites, explain why I like them so much, and just get really excited about a thing I really like. The past three times I’ve done this, the person in question has picked up the Abyssal King, looked at it, and asked “What is this supposed to be?” Last time, I shrugged and said “Interesting.”

The toy that has confused so many friends of mine is the mini size of the Abyssal King, made by Tails and Portholes, a dildo maker on Etsy. It’s definitely an unusual design, which is why I was so excited to try it. It looks almost like the spine or ribs of some creepy, bony creature, which is just a tad macabre in a way that I find very aesthetically pleasing.

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This is a pretty short, fat dildo. Above, you can see it next to the Tantus Echo, another toy with lots of ridges. The Echo is taller, thinner, has fewer and deeper ridges, and is much firmer than the Abyssal King. (Keep in mind that I do have the Mini size in Soft firmness, and a Medium and Large size both exist, as does a Firm firmness.) The Mini Abyssal King is 4.5″ long with a 5.5″ circumference, for reference. I love getting surprise colors from indie shops, and this one turned out so pretty! It’s a rich blue and gold that seems rather fitting for a king of the deep seas.

One of my favorite things about fantasy toys is that you get to try out weird new shapes. This is certainly an odd one! Tails and Portholes has a bunch of weird heads on their toys, and I’m into it. The shape took some getting used to, as it’s sort of wide and curves  all the way around. The best comparison I have for the shape is a pear, which is frankly kinda weird. Just know that instead of having a traditionally phallic shaft, it’s much fatter and rounder. The girth is pretty well within my comfort zone, but the shape and ridges made it a bit trickier for me to insert sometimes. Once in there, I did appreciate the extra sensation of fullness from having it be kinda wide on the sides. The short length didn’t bother me because I have a pretty short vagina even on a good day. It is something to keep in mind, cause your mileage may vary.

I prefer to use the Abyssal King with the ridges facing the front of my vagina. You may remember that I’m a fan of ridges for G-spot action, and the Abyssal King can definitely deliver. In the softer silicone, it’s less of an intense digging in and more of a “oh hey, focused pressure, that feels nice.” I tend to thrust the Abyssal King a lot in order to get that sensation, and I was able to do that fairly easily by holding onto the base.

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You would probably like the Abyssal King if you like short wide toys, ridges, unusually un-phallic shapes, unique designs that are reminiscent of deep sea creatures, beautifully colored silicone, and supporting rad small businesses.

If you want to pick up a mini Abyssal King of your own, you can find one at Tails and Portholes’ Etsy store here!

The Abyssal King was sent to me free of charge in exchange for an honest, unbiased review. Thank you, Tails and Portholes!

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