One of my very favorite things about kink is the intense, wonderful headspaces that it can create: things like subspace, little space, top space. These spaces involve being in an altered state of consciousness, and for me that can sometimes be very intense. Today I wanted to talk a bit about how I get into my headspaces, and what kind of things help me really access that mental state.
First up: dirty talk. Dirty talk has always been one of my favorite things. It only makes sense, I suppose, I’ve always been a reader and a person who loves words and stories and written smut is my absolute favorite type of porn. One of my previous partners and I were both huge fans of dirty talk and ageplay. When either of us were feeling little, we would change our dirty talk accordingly so that it fit with our headspaces. I don’t typically use a lot of euphemisms in normal conversation. We’re all adults here, and there’s no reason to avoid the word “vulva” or the phrase “anal sex.” But for a person in little space, it can be really difficult or feel really wrong to use adult words. While euphemisms are entirely inappropriate in certain contexts, like sex ed, they can also really help me get into and stay in my little space. So sex becomes “playtime,””dirty talk” becomes “bedtime stories.” When I’m feeling really little, it’s hard to ask for what I want, in addition to not wanting to say things that are out of character for my little girl persona. What does feel in persona is asking my Daddy for a bedtime story and talking about how I want to play.
Headspaces are strange, bizarre things, and sometimes weird shit is required to get into them. One time, I was late to a sex date because I got into my pastel little girl dress, realized my impressively hairy legs clashed terribly with the persona I was trying to inhabit, and proceeded to shave my legs while perched on top of the bathroom sink. I hardly ever shave my legs, because usually having leg hair doesn’t bother me in the slightest. As I was trying to get into character, though? It created a huge amount of cognitive dissonance and I just had to get rid of it. I’ve found that the easiest thing to do in these situations is just roll with it, and do what makes me feel most comfortable in my persona. Even if it involves shaving one’s legs into a bathroom sink.
In my personal experience, there’s one thing that influences my headspace above all others. The thing that’s most likely to get me into (or shake me out of) a headspace is the way my partner is acting. If someone is acting like my caregiver, chances are I’ll drop into little space like a stone. If someone is being sweet and little, especially if they’re being a bit bratty, hi, hello, here comes mama. Treat me like a normal adult, have regular adult conversations, and I’m going to stay in regular adult headspace.
As with the rest of kink, figuring out my headspaces and what works for me has been a bit of an adventure and a lot of trial and error. I’m still figuring out exactly how all of my headspaces feel, and what kind of things can enhance them. In this as in most things, I’m in the middle of my experience, not at the end.
What kind of headspaces have you experienced? What helps you stay in them?
This is the fourth installment in The Daddy Diaries, a miniseries on Daddy/Mommy kink, ageplay, my kink roles, and what they mean to me.