Materialism and My Dildo Collection

toy tray

I own a fair few dildos. Not nearly as many as some of my blogging idols, but way more than my non-sex-toy-geek friends. I love buying new dildos. I love the cool and interesting shapes they can come in, and I’m especially a fan of the beautiful colors you can find in indie and fantasy dildo craft shops. When there’s a sex toy in the mail on its way to me, I check the tracking frequently and get really excited and impatient as it gets closer. Unboxing is one of my favorite parts, when all the excitement comes to a head. I’ll spend several minutes fondling my new toy, being surprised by how different it looks in person, oohing and ahhing and taking pictures and just getting familiar with it.

But here’s the thing: I don’t really use my dildos terribly often. I love to acquire them and to have them and to look at what beautiful pieces of art some of them are, but I do less of the actual putting them in my holes. I have a fairly low libido to begin with, and a vagina that can be finicky about penetration. Many days, it’s a struggle to get anything bigger than one finger inside of myself without pain, and that’s no fun. It can take a really long time for me to warm up for my favorite toys, and it can be a tedious, painstaking process, with the constant threat of pain and an early end to the penetration if I dare to go to fast. I’m a busy person, and I don’t always have time for a long drawn out masturbation session. I usually just want to have a quick orgasm to relieve the tension and then get back to being busy. It’s just so much easier to come with a clit vibe and not do all that work. Maybe once a month I’ll have a really good session where I just want to put all the things in my vagina, but usually my insertables just sit around gathering dust (and lint.)

It seems terribly materialist, to like owning things that I don’t typically use for their intended purpose. I love to try out my dildos when they’re all shiny and new, but then I tend to gravitate towards a few favorites and don’t use the others. And yet, I love having them and I don’t want to give them up. To be fair, a large chunk of my dildo collection falls in the “not for everyday use” category: toys that are large, have a lot of texture, or are otherwise too intense for my vagina except when it’s being unusually cooperative. I’d hate to lose these toys because while I might only use them every couple of months, they’re absolutely amazing when I can take them.

I have a lot of guilty feelings about loving having things for the sake of having them. It feels shallow and superficial, like I’ve succumbed to the great capitalist machine that demands I be a rabid and conspicuous consumer. When I first starting accumulating dildos, I struggled with feeling like I couldn’t justify spending money on my sex life because my libido is rather low. How could I invest in something like my Magic Wand and then only use it every other week? I did eventually get past this, as demonstrated by how my sex toy storage is currently full to bursting. I decided that my sexuality is important to me, and that it’s okay for me to prioritize it. Also, it can be really difficult to know whether or not you’ll like a toy before you try it, and finding that some of them just don’t jive with your body is kind of inevitable.

These days, I try to take a step back and say “do I want that dildo because it’s pretty? because I like buying new presents for myself? or because I actually think I’ll use and enjoy it as a sex toy?” I still sometimes end up with pretty colorful sculptures that spend very little time in my vagina. I’m still working on balancing my love for acquiring new things with only acquiring things I actually want and think I’ll like. I’ll let you know how successful I am, based on how quickly I need yet another storage container for my sex toy collection.

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