Fanfiction Roundup: Gangbangs

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I love the idea of gangbangs. There’s a lot of fun things about it: getting to be the center of attention, getting used by a large number of people, impressing everyone with how much you can take, the sheer intensity of having several things done to you at once. I also have a lot of kink feelings about it, and I often find myself immersed in a gangbang story when I’m feeling into being used and humiliated and pushed to my limits. Gangbangs are one of those things that are nearly impossible to do in real life, though. Just the logistics of getting half a dozen people in the same room at the same time, who all want to bang one specific person? That’s a challenge. Luckily, this is exactly what smut is for. Here are some of my favorite gangbang fanfics!

  1. This Fever by gracerene (M/M, Harry Potter): Harry discovers he likes cock, and then all the cock, and then all the cock at once. Needy bottom Harry who just wants to be bossed around and taken care of really resonates with me. I also love it when there’s a dom in charge of the gangbang to move people around and tell them how to use the bottom. In this fic, Ron fills that role beautifully, complete with dirty talk and being the last person to take Harry.
  2. I Wanna See Your Animal Side by sidium (F/M, MCU Avengers): This one is consensual non-consent. Natasha has a fantasy about being gang raped, and after some explicit negotiation, the Avengers make her dream come true. Includes consent check-ins and the use of safewords. I’m a fan of the “I want to struggle but I want you to win” type of submission, so I love the part where Natasha makes a run for the door, fights as hard as she can, gives some people some bruises, and still ends up wrestled down and tied up and thoroughly happy about it.
  3. When did this happen? by Slaughter_Saints (F/M, Mad Max Fury Road): Trope inversions are one of my very favorite things, especially where there’s genderfuckery involved. In this fic, all of the Sisters plus Furiosa share Nux. They take turns. He’s very happy to service them. Sweetness, adoration of Furiosa, and some lovely gentle-but-firm femdom ensues!
  4. Sharing is Caring by Udunie (M/M, Teen Wolf, very dubious consent): This is the only one on this list with actual consent issues. Stiles is the new pack omega, and the alpha, Peter, shares him with Derek and Boyd. Everyone gets a turn taking Stiles up the ass, and Stiles is overstimulated and overwhelmed but likes the way it feels. One D/s thing I like is being pushed past my comfort zone by my dom, having to take just a little bit more than I would on my own because they want me to, and this is exactly the kind of fic that caters to that.
  5. Bang My Boyfriend by OhCaptainMyCaptain (M/M, F/M, MCU Avengers): The Avengers take turns having sex with Steve as Bucky watches. This is the kind of gangbang where Steve wants to play with all of his friends and also get pushed hard and overstimulated and take as much as he can. Bucky’s very proud of him, which makes my praise kink loving self squeal inside.
  6. Tryouts by Inell (M/M, Teen Wolf): What would this gangbang roundup be without a wildly unrealistic cliche porn premise? Stiles tries out for the baseball team, is reunited with his highschool crush, gets recognized from a sex club, and gangbanged in the locker room after practice. Gotta love a good old-fashioned locker room gangbang. Possessive Derek rocks the “I’ll share you with them but you’re really mine and only I can satisfy you” dom role, which really speaks to my kink for feeling owned.
  7. Tony Pulls a Train by Alex51324 (M/M, F/M, MCU Avengers): More consensual roleplay! In this one, Tony’s birthday present is to be the Avengers’ sex slave for a day. Featuring active consent and Tony still getting pushed to his limits and worn out by people he loves and trusts. I love this kind of balance between the sex slave trope, which is kinky and hot, and enthusiastic consent and caring friends, which gives me all the warm fuzzies.

Do you have a favorite gangbang fanfic that I left out? Let me know!

 

Valentine’s Day, Breakups, and My Aching Heart

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It feels like highly unfortunate timing, breaking off a long term relationship a week before the holiday celebrating romantic love. It seems so unfair that I’m still grieving far too much to take any joy in it.  I’d like to lodge a complaint with the universe. Can my next breakup not be the week before the holiday about love? Also, could you make it not on a Sunday?  I did not enjoy having to go through an entire week of functioning before getting to wallow properly.

I don’t want to be a bitter single person on Valentine’s Day bitching about consumerist holidays. That trope is so ugly and so played out, and anyhow, it’s not me. Because I like Valentine’s Day, usually. You’re not going to scare me off with a little consumerism, I live in the United States. I’d like to talk to you about the importance of self love and platonic love and how you don’t need a partner to feel whole. Certainly, I believe those things, and yet, I’m still in pain.

My ex really cared about holidays and anniversaries. I’m not as focused on them, but he put a high importance on being together on specific days to celebrate specific things. I highly doubt I’d be this upset about Valentine’s Day if he hadn’t. Last Valentine’s Day was the first and only Valentine’s Day I spent with him, and it was lovely. He made a point of us getting to see each other on that day. I stayed the weekend at his house, just enjoying getting to spend time with him. On Valentine’s Day, we had sleepy early morning sex, the kind that starts as half-awake cuddles and which turned into us having PIV for the first time. We were so proud of ourselves. I had come so far from trauma and pain and a reluctant vagina, and I had done it with him. He had been so gentle and caring and hadn’t pushed, but had encouraged me the whole way. That kind of love and encouragement and emotional support was so wonderful to have.

I wish I could give you a happy Valentine’s Day post. Or a funny one, or an inspirational one, or a wildly off topic one where I just talk about butts and ignore what day it is. I wish this were a post about self-love, but I haven’t even touched myself since the breakup. What am I supposed to think about while I jerk off if not him? This is where I am right now. With pain in my chest and tightness in my throat and tears in my eyes.

This Valentine’s Day, I am grieving. I am filled with pain and loss and wanting. That’s okay. This is a part of loving and losing and trying again. This is where I’m at this Valentine’s Day, so I’m going to let myself be here for a while. I’m going to wallow and take care of myself and feel my feelings. As far as love and sex go, I’ll get back to y’all in a while.

Tails and Portholes Mini Poseidon Review

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I’ve wanted to try a toy with a knot for forever. Call it too much werewolf smut, but they’ve always intrigued me. For my first knotted toy, I got the Mini Poseidon by Tails and Portholes. It also comes in a non-mini version, which is significantly larger.

Maybe someday I will be able to read the dimensions of a toy and accurately visualize its size, but today is not that day. I was a bit surprised by how short the Mini Poseidon is. It’s a bit shorter than the Tantus Neo, which is odd on account of how butt plugs are typically shorter than dildos. I personally like short dildos because my vagina is on the shallower end of the bell curve. With longer knotted dildos, I worry that I won’t be able to get the knot in because it’s at the end of an eight inch shaft. With my low-hanging cervix, that just ain’t happening. So, I’m personally okay with how short the Mini Poseidon is.

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I picked the mini size because I knew I could handle it and I didn’t want to have to struggle to experience knotting. Keep in mind that for me, a 1.5″ diameter firm dildo like the Godemiche Ambit feels big and filling but not overwhelming. If your orifice of choice is more comfortable with girth than mine is (or if the struggle is part of your knotting fantasy) I recommend getting the larger size. Firm silicone also tends to feel more substantial, so if you’re looking for the most intense experience, go with that. The softness of the silicone means that the popping sensation is a little bit gentler. It’s still a good stretching feeling, and I’m into it. On days when I’m wanting more girth, I like using the Mini Poseidon while the Tantus Neo is in my butt, which makes the Mini Poseidon feel bigger and makes the popping sensation feel more intense.

The shaft is very small, especially the section just below the head, before the midshaft. It’s hard to feel that part, it’s almost like it’s not there. Closer to the knot, I can feel the texture better. Inserting the knot is a bit like inserting a bulbous head, there’s that sudden stretching feeling and then it fits in with a kind of pop. I love squeezing around it. Soft silicone is way more fun to clench around than firm silicone, that’s why stress balls are squishy! There’s enough resistance to feel like it’s pushing back, but enough give that I feel like I’m compressing it. I was surprised at how different squeezing on a knot is from toys where the girth is the same all the way down. The pressure is all focused in one spot, which for me landed around my G-spot, where I quite like a bit of pressure. So that was fun.

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The Mini Poseidon is excellent for lazy masturbation for me because I can insert it without much warm up, and then I just leave it in there and clench around it instead of having to do a bunch of thrusting. As a person who regularly uses the Magic Wand Rechargeable through their pajama pants instead of doing any more work than that, I’m digging it. I’m also a fan of the texture. The ridges are pronounced enough that even in the solid soft firmness, I can feel them. It’s enough to be interesting but not so much that it’s crazy intense or detracts from the knot. The blunt head, in addition to being visually appealing, creates a small popping sensation in comparison with the big pop of the knot, which is kinda cool.

One complaint: I really wish the section below the knot was about half an inch longer. As it is, the knot barely makes it past my vaginal opening. It would be more comfortable for use as a vaginal plug if it sat on the other side of my pubic bone. I end up pushing down on the base to get it in as far as humanly possible. Your mileage may vary, of course, I can hardly presume to speak for all pubic bones. But if yours is prominent and situated close to your vaginal entrance, like mine is, you might have a bit of difficulty getting the knot to sit in a comfortable spot.

Overall, I’m happy with my first knotting experience. I definitely enjoy the sensation of knotting! I’m thrilled that the Mini Poseidon helped me realize that long-held fantasy without intimidating my vagina with girth or crazy texture. There aren’t a lot of knotted dildos this small, and I’m glad I was able to start with a size that’s well within my comfort zone. I recommend this toy to anyone who’s curious about knotting but doesn’t want to push their girth limits.

You can buy the Mini Poseidon from Tails and Portholes!

 

On Being Comfortably Ugly

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When I was younger, I had awful body image issues. I thought I was fat and ugly and unlovable. I was carrying around a lot of hatred for myself and towards the world about not being able to measure up to other people. It made me feel so painfully less than and despised and unworthy. This is super duper common in young people who are socialized as female. I spent a lot of time  effort trying desperately to change myself, to make myself better, to try to be good enough, pretty enough, wanted. If only I could fix my flaws, if only I tried harder, if only I bought more skincare products, then I would be pretty, and if I was pretty, then I could be good enough and be happy. I put an awful lot of effort into performing femininity out of a desperate and misguided search for love and acceptance.

If you’ve ever been on the internet, you’ve seen the kind of body positive posts that tell you that you are beautiful, no matter what. They say “No matter what you look like, you are beautiful and therefore deserving of love and respect.” I have a couple of problems with these posts. First, I can’t get past that this first premise feels like a lie. Some human bodies are more aesthetically pleasing to others. For example, humans really like symmetry, for some weird reason, so symmetrical faces are more enjoyable for humans to look at. From the other side of things, depending on your tastes, your values, and your culture, what you consider aesthetically pleasing might be wildly different from someone else. Secondly, the idea that only beautiful people are deserving of love is ridiculous. Our culture values and promotes beautiful people and sees them as inherently better than people who are not beautiful. This is so damaging. If you buy into this, then your “you’re beautiful love yourself” post isn’t helping, because it is still perpetuating the idea that human value is dependent on physical appearance.

My breakthrough did not come from posts that said “everyone is beautiful no matter what!” It also did not come from self acceptance posts that told me it was okay to love my body exactly as it is. If you found your breakthrough towards self love through either of those things, I think that’s great and I’m glad they helped you. My breakthrough came from something a friend of mine posted, and it went like this: The point of a body is not to be beautiful. The point of a body is that it is the thing my consciousness inhabits, which allows me to exist in and experience this world. It allows me to have my brief mortal existence and be a person and have an impact on this world, if in whatever tiny way. For me, overcoming the self loathing caused by not being able to measure up to societal standards came not from recognizing my own beauty, but from changing my values. I no longer value beauty above and beyond all other traits. There are other things I want to cultivate in myself, like kindness and thoughtfulness, that I value more highly and would rather spend my energy on.

I want to be clear that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking pride in your appearance. If makeup or cute clothes or a high maintenance hairstyle make you happy, then that’s awesome. If you spend hours carefully crafting an aesthetic and that aesthetic brings you great joy, then by all means, carry on. My point is that if you’re not rocking a sweet aesthetic, you are still a person of worth with inherent value who deserves basic human rights and respect.

I am not very pretty. I am also lacking in tact, and have difficulty explaining myself when I am upset, and I can be terribly self focused. I am also exceedingly well organized, deeply empathetic, powerfully driven, and tenacious. It’s almost like I’m a whole person and my physical appearance is only one facet of the complex human being that I am. I don’t have to look pretty. It is not my job. Not being attractive to the people around me does not in any way make me less qualified, less important, less of a human being. It also doesn’t mean that I can’t wear purple lipstick and a corset and feel sexy and have fun. If I am ugly, I am still a person of worth. I don’t have to be afraid of losing my worth just because I’m ugly. I am comfortable the way I am, and I do not have to change my appearance in any way in order to be worthy of love. These things are a relief to me. I find it so freeing to be comfortable with being ugly.